Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize