I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
