You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize