Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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