i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
