I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
