I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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