so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
