I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
