Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize