nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
