All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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