Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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