my sisters under your porch take her home
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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