i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
