My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize