I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
