He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
