Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
