Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
