I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
