she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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