Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
