I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
