So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
