how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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