And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize