I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
