and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
...so i touched it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
