i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
