WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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