we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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