i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
