i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
