it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
