STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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