oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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