So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He has the fingertips of a God
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