I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
