I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize