The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
