He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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