Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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