I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
