just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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