I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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