Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
