Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
