would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
