i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
