would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize