Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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