She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
