Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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