My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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