I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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