im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
