just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
