if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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