Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
