this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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