I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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