well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
