I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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