This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
