No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
