He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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