my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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