Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
