this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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