the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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