Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
