i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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