so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
