32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
