just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
