Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize