he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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