Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
