And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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