Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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