i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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