i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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